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RCMP Cst. Ryan TOBIN Journal Entry Day 1 2021-01-15

Welcome back to our blog. We’re going to try something new over the next few weeks. We’re going to share with you one of the tools we use here at Camp My Way.

But Before our Campers arrive, we ask.
What do you hope to gain out of the Camp My Way Program?

Ryan responds:
I want to rid myself of the hate I feel. Not just for myself but for other things/people/situations/processes. I hope to find the source of my rage and identify my anger. Perhaps then controlling it.

I feel best when alone especially in nature and I want to be comfortable relaxing with others. I would love to relate to others that understand the daily struggles without judgement. I’d like insight on how others cope or approach their struggles. Perhaps return home with knowledge and skills I can recommend to others. If the program is a success, I’d like to recommend it to the RCMP psychologist as we have zero help with PTSD at the moment.

It would be great to have some laughs and fully immerse myself in nature without responsibility, schedule or tasks to stress about.

I hope to leave knowing I tried my very best and was as receptive as possible then apply what I’ve learned to my personal and professional life. I want to be confident that if my marriage falls apart or I decide to not return to work, I did everything I could.

Ryan’s Day 1 :

6 am wake up, grab a coffee and meet at the fire pitt. We suggest no talking unless our campers feel they may need help with something personal. This allows all campers and facilitators a nice easy, quiet and peaceful start to everyday without the “monkey mind chatter and cross talk’. Focus on the now is key.

We do our body scan and 5×5’s before heading out for a 1 hour walk through the forest consciously connecting to the following 6 questions while being spaced apart in no sight of any other campers. Just self at a snails pace.

When our campers return they take their breakfast off to somewhere comfortable, sit with themselves and write down their thoughts, emotions, goals for the day without any distractions from anyone.

Day 1 Journal entry.

1) How are you feeling today?

1- This morning I feel weighted down. I feel heavy, slow, as if I’m fighting in water and can’t seem to shake the feeling of heaviness. My stomach is acidic and I feel very unsettled. On top of it all I have lots of aches and pains. All my old injuries seem to be inflamed.

2) How do you know you feel this way?

2- I completed a body scan first thing before leaving my bed. I wasn’t able to get far without noticing pain and/or discomfort. Im unsettled because everything is so new. I was unprepared to leave yesterday and after rushing to leave, all my things are still packed. As for my stomach, I took my daily medication on an empty stomach with coffee which I know is never a good idea.

3) How did you sleep?

3- I slept well enough. I crashed when I hit the pillow but still tossed and turned all night. Heavy nightmares and night sweats like usual.

4) What are you grateful for?

4- I’m thankful for the opportunity of being here. A chance to reset and checkout from the daily routine of chaos. I’m thankful for my medication and the support I’m receiving.

5) Find someone to forgive or forgive yourself.

5- I forgive myself for being late on arrival yesterday. It showed just how out of balance and control I have gotten and I feel a lot of shame about it as I’m usually early for things. The amount of stress I endured while rushing to arrive was not worth the safety I risked.
6) What is your goal today?
6- Today’s goal will be to settle in and unpack a bit. Become familiar with my surroundings.


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